Losing Control

Part I

            This past weekend I had the opportunity to go on a men’s retreat with Troy Church. Our “Man Cave” weekend was absolutely awesome. God truly showed up and showed out. But let me share with you leading up to the weekend.

            Leading up to the weekend, we had a men’s podcast released everyday reminding us to “get our hearts” ready. Going into the weekend, I had no clue what to expect. Getting into the meat of the subject matter of the weekend, I truly was astonished at what was revealed to me.

            The need for control. Everything in our lives we desire so much to control and rule over. This need to rule and subdue our issues goes back to the fall. Intentionally denying God’s sovereignty and love for a chance to “command our own destiny”. It seems that every time I sit down and take the time, God points out another issue I have yet to deal with or address in my own life.

            It was so difficult understanding that even in my own attempts at seeking God’s will, I still try to control the outcome of very circumstance. Whether this need for control originates from a need of vanity or an attempt to somehow govern my own life, it has to stem from the inability to fully trust God’s sovereignty. Regardless of the origin, my own depravity cripples my ability to fully trust God.

            In my marriage, personal relationships, even in my work I repeatedly damage those areas of my life because my trust in God is lacking. Once this thought began to sink in, the downward spiral proceeded. “How could I lead my wife without truly trusting God”, “How could I start a family without truly trusting God”, and “How can I truly call myself a Christian without truly trusting God”. These questions began to fill my mind like locust entering a field.

            In those moments it felt like the floor disappeared from underneath me. I even began to think that my world was falling apart. The internal and mental process of unrevealing began.

            But God…